Tourist questions for Australia
My sis Lee Na emailed me this little stomach twister earlier. Have a read. Remember, this is for laughs... I don't know for sure if this was really
posted on the Australian Tourism Website for real but obviously the answers came from an Aussie... =P
PS. re: question 18... i think Australia has some of the deadliest snakes in
the world... according to The Crocodile Hunter, at least!
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Question 1: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain
on TV, so how do the plants grow? (UK)
Answer: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching
them die.
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Question 2: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)
Answer: Depends how much you've been drinking
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Question 3: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad
tracks? (Sweden)
Answer: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water...
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Question 4: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Australia? (Sweden)
Answer: So its true what they say about Swedes.
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Question 5: It is imperative that I find the names and addresses of places
to contact for a stuffed porpoise. (Italy)
Answer: Let's not touch this one.
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Question 6: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me
a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay? (UK)
Answer: What did your last slave die of?
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Question 7: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in
Australia? (USA)
Answer: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of
Europe. Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the pacific which
does not... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in
Kings Cross. Come naked.
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Question 8: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA)
Answer: Face south and then turn 90 degrees. Contact us when you get here
and we'll send the rest of the directions.
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Question 9: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.
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Question 10: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
Answer: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering
Ger-man-y, which is...oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every
Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.
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Question 11: Do you have perfume in Australia? (France)
A: No, WE don't stink.
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Question 12: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth.
Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia (USA)
Answer: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
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Question 13: Can I wear high heels in Australia? (UK)
Answer: You are a British politician, right?
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Question 14: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female
population is smaller than the male population? (Italy).
A: Yes, gay nightclubs.
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Question 15: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France)
Answer: Only at Christmas.
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Question 17: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all
year round? (Germany)
Answer: No, we are a peaceful civilisation of vegan hunter gatherers. Milk
is illegal.
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Question 18: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can
dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)
Answer: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come
from. All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled
and make good pets.
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Question 19: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I
forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA)
Answer: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they
drop out of gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them.
You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go
out walking.
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Question 21: I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the
girl I dated while I was staying in Kings Cross. Can you help? (USA)
Answer: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.
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Question 22: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
Answer: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.
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