Possible reasons

I'm waiting for my colleague to finish the chinese-translation for a show that we are submitting to the Asian Television Awards and the Malaysian Movie Awards. Sigh... and it's already so late. Bah. So with so much time on my hands and no motivation to do more work as it is FRIDAY NIGHT, I'm wont to let my mind wonder.

As I sit here contemplating my life, I wonder why I'm single? I see plenty of girls out there who has found love and I've left wondering "What the heck is wrong with me that makes me so unlovable?" But then, it is not as if I didn't have several chances along the way to "hook" one as they say it, so what went wrong? Could it be that I'm scared of commitment? The forever part? But that's crazy, isn't that what all girls want? I had a chance to embark on a relationship roller coaster several months back, but I chose not to. He later told me I sabotaged the "relationship" by not letting him into my soul. I later figured he meant that I didn't talk to him more or confide in him as I do with my friends. I don't know. Maybe deep down I knew he wasn't right for me and that was why I didn't bother going down that path.

Maybe another reason I'm single is because I don't know how to read the signs and take advantage of them. Maybe. Somebody once mentioned that I do not take initiatives to start a relationship, that I always wait for the other person to make the first move. Is that true? I always thought I was quite bold in my approaching the opposite sex. Maybe I'm wrong.

I hate being single yet I love the freedom of not having to answer to another person other than my family. Maybe that's why I'm single, coz I put my family above all else. This one is a biggie.

Maybe I shouldn't ask why. Maybe this is meant to be. I'll just have to accept it that I might never settle down with someone. And let Life just be.

Is it so wrong to want someone special to call your own, the same someone who will be there forever? Someone I can lean on instead of always having to be the strong one or someone's buddy who is always there. I'm tired of taking care of others. I'm tired of thinking about others. It would be nice to be taken care of for a change.

My thoughts are rambling. It has no sense nor direction.

My brain is starting to hurt... *sigh*

Maybe... Maybe I'm too choosy...