From Heaven to limbo

It's the oddest thing... I just came back from a relaxing weekend from the beach and here I am today, feeling drained and depressed. I cannot profess that I have no idea why I'm feeling so, cause I do. It's my job. I feel as though there are too many expectations expected of me and that I might not be able to fulfil them all satisfactorily.

Friday saw me being dressed down for my "not good enough" proposal to the queen bee. HRH said that it looked like a 5 minute bang up job, which took me 3 days to write btw... I even showed the proposal to my Corporate PR Manager and she said it was good for a proposal. HRH expected me to come up with an ENTIRE plan for a new programme coming up, in one week, alone. Apparently I had team mates in her hives that were of course, no help to me, as they themselves had no idea except to demand I 'report' to them in my meeting with them!!! Seriously, I do not think I can handle this job anymore. I feel that the burden is too heavy and the stress of working with that department is just blood-red-boiling.

Just monitoring the newspapers already taking up 2 - 3 hours of my mornings, and worse on Mondays, I start reading at 8.30am and I finish the pile at 1.30 - 2pm. Not that I'm a slow reader but there are so many papers to go through. There doesn't seem to be enough time for the rest of everything.

Then in the afternoon, the BIG CEO called me and the Marcomms team into his room for a 'chat'. There I found out:

1. that I'm really in charge of both the English and BM PR side, while one superior was in charge of the chinese side and the other the Corporate side.
2. that I continue doing my regular work but take on more corporate work
3. that the CEO is taking an interest in the PR dept himself
4. that he is concerned about my lack-of-progress on the account that I have no guidance from my superiors
5. and that HRH complained to the board that there was no publicity for an old programme that was canned but now revived, and that's why he is personally taking responsibility of the Marcomms Dept/ PR side as we all have to work together.

I have to agree with what he says, as all of use need to work together. He asked me who I think is the best person to give me guidance and I mentioned a name. I have no idea whether he agrees or not as all he said was "Hmmm". I was brave enough to mention HRH's name but he said she was too busy. I have to agree, she is very busy, and when she's busy she's cranky as hell and it's no good anyway going to her for guidance.

I even talked to my boss just now about maybe I can't cope with both departments... well.. I left her office feeling that asking her for help was useless. *sigh* I agree I need to feel that I own the responsibility of promoting our programmes but how can I own something I don't understand?

Looking for a mentor is hard, and there aren't any good mentor to be had in this company. Maybe I should move on and leave all the bad things behind. As I certainly don't need the bad memories clogging my mind and my heart in more ways that one.