Frozen

I can't believe I'm actually at work today. I've just finished reeling from my latest vertigo spells and I'm here now. Sheesh, talk about becoming a workaholic. There are things to do I tell myself.

Wednesday
I went to work but I was barely clinging onto my sanity as I lightly spun from one spell to the next. But amazingly, I hung on till 7pm and went home. The spells weren't long, just sudden 15mins dizzy spells that left me in sporadic limbos.

Thursday
Woke up early to accompany mom and sis to go shopping for a few items before their flight to Turkey at 6pm. I lasted 2 hours before I told them I really had to stop and rest. I sat on the Jaya Jusco bench for an hour as they completed their shopping. The increased activity in the mall was driving me loony, there were just too many movement and noise. I really felt I was suffocating there. I was the one who insisted I was okay, when I knew I was not. But things had to get done, and dizzy spells or no, things had to be done.

After they left, the house seemed so empty. Mom and sis left for Turkey, another sister was in Paris, due back the next day and my housemate was in China for two weeks. I was home alone. I had another vertigo attack after an hour (4pm) after they left. One minute I was walking to the kitchen, the next I was on the floor, clutching to the overturned chair. I had no idea I had cut my hand too and on what I have no idea. That spell lasted quite long. I remember crawling to my sister's bed and twining my forearms into the spikes at the end of the bed and locking my frame against the wall in fear of tumbling into limbo again. I sat it out. I think it lasted only an hour. After that I slept like the dead.

I woke up sometime around 6pm and felt really dirty and sticky. I looked down and realised that I had thrown up on myself and had not even known it. - SIGH - Estella came over a few hours later and we ended up going to the Pasar Malam in SS2. I was tired of being cooped up at home so I said yes when she asked if I wanted to go. We were meeting Jayme there as well. Nothing major happened, except for a short dizzy spell.

Little did I know that the worst were yet to come. Last night, I for all of two hours towards the morning before I had to wake up at 8am. It was one dizzy spells after the other and I could not even rest or close my eyes as that would make the room spin faster. All in all I think I had three vertigo spells. The first one was shorter - half and hour, the second was the longest, about an hour plus and the last one was around an hour, I'm not sure as my mind was warp by then. I think the spells were worse as I was worried about my mom and sis. They had a stopover somewhere after 6 hours. And there were no word from them. no reply to my smses. Anyway, sis replied around 5.50am and that's when I finally was abe to just let go and sleep.

Strangely enough, I got up easily at 8am. My mind was already awake. Since the humming beneath my skin was at a minimum, I thought what the heck, might as well work when I can.

So here I am, at work. Feeling groggy and sick and just gross. -sigh- Sis and mom doesn't know. Don't want to get them worried. I'll tell them after they come back.

Adapting to my illness is not going to be easy but I'll be damn if I'm going to let it rule my life.