Crossed wires?

Bloody 'ell, I'm cheesed off right now. I just read a reply to my posting on a certain site. I posted a question pertaining to a certain trip that is happening this weekend. The reply I got left me with a distinctive bad taste in my mouth and me squirming on my chair to reply with a salvo. But I didn't. I held myself back coz it wouldn't do to sour a friendship. I read the reply SEVERAL times to make sure I didn't get the tone wrong. Even with the 'lol' added behind, I felt as though the message was suppose to put me in my place, intentionally or unintentionally I have no idea. I wrote several scathing replies but deleted them all and instead settled on one that was... lukewarm. It could be a miscommunication or I'm getting really edgy in my jobless state. Pulling in my claws felt... contemptible... when I wanted to slash and maim. God, I'm so catty. Maybe I should start wearing those bags of pepper I scattered in my back yard... *Hissst*

I guess I am edgy. Lately I've been feeling blah and anti-social. The thought of going to a shopping mall with thousands of people inhabiting the same space is enough to trigger a mild temper. I had a small blowup just a few days ago about this. My sister insisted I go and sit at Starbucks or something and enjoy being out. If I wanna be out I'd choose someplace quiet and secluded. OR someplace where I can't think - like a nightclub where the music is blasting away and I'm all alone. Nothing else exist outside my cacoon of music. I realise my dancing is a form of escapism. I do not go there for the people. I go there to escape in my own way - loud, unabashed music. So, why on earth would I want to go to a place that is full of noisy and rude beings? Naturally, I over-reacted. Sigh... I wish I didn't. But my beligerence was overpowering to a certain degree. Nowadays, I react most unpleasently when challenged. Yes I know I'm choosy when it comes to getting a job. I DO NOT need anyone to tell me that. Talking and looking at my mom and sisters are enough to remind me of that pertinent fact. I know I should be out there working, to repay them in however way I can. I am so thankful for their support. For without them I would have sunk a long time ago. THEY are the best. Hmm.. on that thought, I feel better now.

I pondered the issue of putting too much in my blog, the issue of putting my life out there for anyone and anything to read and scheme with and laugh and tsked at, but here I am, ready to push the Publish button. I started out with the intention to get my writing back. I think I still have a long way to go but at least I'm making progress. But honestly, blogging, for me, is another form of escapism. Which brings me to the question: What am I trying to escape from?

A good day's worth of work

I pruned my overgrown backyard with a saw, a huge rusty one at that. My 'yard' consisted of an overgrown sapling and a 5 feet tall plant thing. Took three of us to cut them down and mutilated them into manageable chunks to be disposed of easier in garbage bags. *Shudder* It was a gruesome scene. If they were mandrakes we'd be dead by now. =P The last time I was in my yard was 6 months back. We never open the back door as it is not safe to leave it unsecured. Bad men managed to camped there once and it was enough to convince us not go back there again. Anyway, number one reason was to cut the darn saplings down and number two - to scatter bags of pepper at strategic places. Hmm... mutilation and pepper bags; sounds like a voodoo thing. * haha* The pepper bags are to discourage cats from 'nesting', which they did and the yard stank with cat urine. *gag*

So after five hours of pruning and sprucing and cleaning the WHOLE house, we were done! Hallelujah! I was beginning to think it would never end. The bending down, the scrubbing, the sawing, the bending of nubile branches to fit into bags, the mopping, the rearranging... whew it was done. THEN we realised there was not enough water for us to bathe!!! The tank was very low! Bah. But it was no biggie. We went to Philip Wain instead for a hot, satisfying shower. Ahhh... it was so goooood. Throw in a steam bath into the equation and you get heaven. *Blissful sigh...*

Nite all... I'm too tired to keep awake. *yawn*

My mind's like a Ferris wheel and I CAN'T sleep!

It is 7:57am now and I've yet to catch a wink of sleep! ARGH! I feel so tired, my eyelids feel heavy; even my hair feels tired. Bah, but my mind is running in a thousand directions and sleep is far from it. So freakin' frustrating! I got home at 4am just now and I've been tossing and turning and generally trying to solve world hunger in my head...
And I have gym in three hours time! I sooo need sleep. ARGH! I can't miss anymore of my gym sessions since I've been missing them the past three weeks. I need to sleep.

Went to dinner with Estella and Jaymee at Little Sai Gon at Desa Sri Hartamas last night. It is supposed to be 'Authentic Vietnamese Cuisine' but somehow it doesn't taste quite right. For one my mint leaves weren't fresh and it was really oily. I'm not sure if that is the suppose-to-be thing. But the rare beef in my Pho Tai was tender and yummy. Added with plum sauce make it heavenly. Plus they top up your green tea constantly. I love green tea; must have drunk at least two pots - evidence - lotsa overtime in the ladies. =P

After that we met up with Jael. My gawd, he so thin now and he still looks the same except for his voice. It has deepened since the last time I heard him which was after LICT graduation. It was good to see Jael again. He gave Estella and I a huge hug. He is still so adorable. It is hard for me to think of Jael as a he when he used to be a she. I remember I used to call her 'woman' (as I am wont to do every now and then) and Jael always got annoyed. Now I have to condition myself to call her a he now. Jael has an Adam apple too! Apparently it was an unexpected bonus coz not every transsexual has them. Jael showed us his chest - it is flat. The mounds are totally gone. It was very fascinating. I did think twice about blogging about this but I don't think Jael minds me talking about it. He is very open-minded about his change. He regaled us with his surgery details and some pertinent details about his bodily functions. It was all very fascinating. I can't quite stop myself from saying that bit. It does somewhat boggles the mind... maybe that is why sleep is eluding yours truly. Mr.Sandman, Mr.Sandman, where art thou Mr.Sandman???

Cleaning out my emails

I never realised how many email accounts I have. I took out my little white book and checked every account I signed up previously; and boy there were much spring cleaning to do. In the end, I sent a few email to terminate a few old unuse accounts. I can't believe I let it get so out of control, this email accounts compulsion of mine. Sheesh.

Gold text, be not damned to me

My gawd, I've lost all my photoshop skills! Argh! I can't believe I'm so rusty! I couldn't even remember where the gradient tool was! Talk about reverting back to your blond roots. I messaged Aqmal a SOS about this. But whatever he typed I couldn't decipher. What the heck? Nine months was all it took to rob me of my amatuerish photoshop skills. I'm so ashame. Aqmal was probably wondering how I passed my multimedia units... Sigh. Then I googled 'Photoshop gold text tutorial' and bingo I hit the jackpot! There were lots of tutorials on gold text out there. 3 years ago there were hardly any on silver. Feel foolish now for SOSing Aqmal about this. Blech... I think I'll just stick my head in the sand for a while.