Climbing the walls

Lord, I feel like just dropping everything and flying off somewhere with sun, sea and sand. It's been ages since I last dived and now I feel like I'm climbing the walls of my "cubicle".

I'm at work and it's a Public Holiday. *mirthless laugh* No, I'm not doing this for the overtime pay, coz there is no such thing as overtime payment in this industry. Curse them! We need Unions here but I doubt that will ever happen seeing that we are in such a repressed nation where money is king.

A supposedly enlightened nation, one where we are treated like 2nd class citizens. No, I can't go to China coz I'm not from China. I'm Malaysian and I will create my own line of descendants whom I hope will be known as Malaysians, and NOT Chinese Malaysian. I am not a Muslim but I have more rights to be here than some of them. You want to talk about Bumiputeras? I'm the 7th generation of my clan and yet I'm no closer to being the princes(ses) of the land than the Cat or the Rabbit. I'm gripping. It a big issue but we aren't allowed to talk about it. All in the name of National Security. Pfftt. I don't think Malaysians demanding their rights constitutes a violation of National Security. National Security should be about keeping riff-raffs off our soil like our neighbours whom have proven to be rude and horrible house guests.

This starkly unfair segregation between Bumis and non-Bumis should not exist anymore. They may have needed the help last time, but they don't now. Treat them like children and they'll act like children, constantly needing a pastoral figure. But then maybe that's what they want and need in order to control the nation; self-righteous figureheads insecure on their lined and cushioned butt that their position and riches might be snatch away from them were they to let loose a little the reins of power.

Fie, I say! A nation like ours, muzzled and denied their rights, is only a melting pot threatening to erupt with violence. It's physics. It's the way of the world.

I digress but anger is better than depression. The work flowing in hasn't stopped and it's true what they always tell you: Work will always be there, Time won't be. And I'm not growing any younger.

I beeped myself into a dark, stuffy office. No one else was in except me. The feelings that assailed me when I step over the threshold were dark, angry and resentful. As I sit here, blogging, I wonder what the hell went wrong with my goals, my dreams, my hope of working in nature? Here I am, stuck behind a desk in a 9am - 10pm job. I checked my time sheet and I see myself pulling an average of 65 hours per week. If I'm working so hard, why aren't I any closer to my dreams?

I need to find a way to get out of this monotonous cycle. But then at the back of my mind, I tell myself that I'm actually good at what I'm doing. So why throw all that away? *sigh* I don't know. I don't know anything anymore.