My peace on earth

When I was young, I used to go to my backyard to sit and think for hours. My backyard had no fences and it stretched from the first terrace lot to the last. As it was, my pets had the run of the entire stretch. It didn't matter that there were no chairs, coz I would sit on the cement, pebbles or grass and I'd be happy. I had my chickens and my dogs miling around me, nudging me for attention. One rooster even like jumping onto my shoulder to peck inquiringly at my head. It hurt a little but I didn't mind. My dogs, all five of them, would be lying lazily around me with their head or paws on some part of my body. It was peaceful.

Another place of peace I found within myself, was at the beach, with nothing but the breeze and the sound of waves crashing on the shore. Those were the days of young dreams and naive acceptance, and it was peaceful.

That was then and I might never have that kind of peace again. I found a little of that kind of peace when I was in Perth. It was a feeling of freedom and acceptance and gratitude of where I was. Back in Perth, I loved winter time the most. When it was cold, I would light some candles and place them in reflective holders, switch off all the lights, put on Pachebel and just meditate. It was peaceful.

Now that I'm in KL, far away from my versions of heaven, I find myself constantly parking myself in Starbucks Amcorp, listening to the likes of Hans Zimmer, Pachebel and Tiesto, just mindlessly surfing amidst strangers and finding a little of the peacefulness I had back then. It's not perfect, but when my heart aches, I will suffer it alone.

I don't like to share this alone-time with anyone. And I can't find this peacefulness at home. I just need to be away from everyone I know. This doesn't make me anti-social but sometimes, I just need space and time to be alone with my thoughts. Time to just be.

It is not you or your company that I spurn, never that...