I worry still, about Patches.
Leaving him behind was painful. I can't help but worry as his wounds are still weaping badly. It has to be cleaned propoerly everyday, and honestly I don't expect my mom to religiously follow the cleansing steps like me. Because of that I worry. If I were there, I would make sure that his wounds are dry and maggots-free.
I just got off the phone with my mom and she tells me that he's still the same as yesterday. I hope he will be better soon. He has been able to walk around a bit since Sunday evening. His has some of his appetite back. I've been giving him antibiotics the past four days, it has certainly helped in fighting off the infection. Again, I just worry that Mom won't cleaned it properly and the weaping wounds will get worse. It's going to be long healing process.
I'm not willing to consider the other option until I really have to. I have no right to do that to him. If only he could talk or that I could understand what he wants. If only. Hah.
Tuesday, June 28, 2005
Friday, June 24, 2005
My heart is breaking.
I have just finished cleaning out Patches' infected ears. There is pus mixed with blood. There are maggots and they have eaten their way deep into his ear canal and maybe his brains. I fear his time with me will come to an end soon.
I am now back in Kota Bharu for my father's anniversary dinner that my mom is throwing for our family. It will be a gathering of relatives and good food. But it's going to be a sad time for me.
After picking my sister and I from the airport, my mom dropped the bombshell in the car that Patches is heading for the worst.
I'm so worried now after seeing for myself how bad he is. The moment I got back, I examined him. What I saw horrified me. He looks so weak and sick. He is so dirty with that blue stuff (medication to prevent flies from nesting) all over him, plus the pus that is oozing out from his ears and coating his fur into clumps. He barely acknowledged me when last time he used to walk circles around me and wait for me at the door everyday. Now he barely has the energy nor senses to even lift his head to look at me. All he could do was to take in my scent and moved his head almost imperceptively nearer to my hand.
The combination of iodine, bug powder and pus is so bad that when I got my first whiff, it knocked me for six. There were so much yellow pus that sort of looked like salad dressing coz it was mixed with iodine, pus and the powdery stuff. The frothing pool of pus was merely camouflaging the horror beneath it's surface - the black pin-prick size heads of the maggots with bloated bodies slotted neatly side by side when they all tried to crawl out and escape the killing iodine but was stuck as they were too fat to get out. I drained his ear as much as I could and I went in with the tweezers. The horrible creatures were so deep inside that when I pulled them out, there were these resistant suction feelings. Sometimes I pulled out maggots, sometimes I pulled out bleached pieces of dead flesh, and I even pulled out pieces of his cartilage... yet there were no reaction from Patches. He truly feels nothing in his maggot-ridden ears.
This is not my first encounter with maggots. Far from it as I first did this regime of cleaning and tweezing when I was 14 with Tiny. Tiny never recovered fully as he was too old to heal fast enough. I fear the same fate awaits Patches but this time I might not be here to help him. I am contemplating taking a week off work. And it is a critical time now at work. Chances of me getting off is not possible. I think I should just quit. I know I'm not thinking straight right now.
How can I?? I love Patches. He's my baby. He is my best mate. I can't lose him. But I knew that this day would come. I have to admit that I knew that there might be suffering too as he has been having problems with his ears for years now. His age is a factor working against him - 14 human years, 98 dog years. He's old.
I wish I can call someone right now, I just need shoulders to cry on, yet I don't want to let others hear my tears. I feel as though my heart is breaking in two when I think about it... Maybe if I delete this blog, it won't come true.
It's late but I can't sleep. My mind is too full of wonderful memories of love and warmth, with Patches, the horrible sadness of a future without him.
I have just finished cleaning out Patches' infected ears. There is pus mixed with blood. There are maggots and they have eaten their way deep into his ear canal and maybe his brains. I fear his time with me will come to an end soon.
I am now back in Kota Bharu for my father's anniversary dinner that my mom is throwing for our family. It will be a gathering of relatives and good food. But it's going to be a sad time for me.
After picking my sister and I from the airport, my mom dropped the bombshell in the car that Patches is heading for the worst.
I'm so worried now after seeing for myself how bad he is. The moment I got back, I examined him. What I saw horrified me. He looks so weak and sick. He is so dirty with that blue stuff (medication to prevent flies from nesting) all over him, plus the pus that is oozing out from his ears and coating his fur into clumps. He barely acknowledged me when last time he used to walk circles around me and wait for me at the door everyday. Now he barely has the energy nor senses to even lift his head to look at me. All he could do was to take in my scent and moved his head almost imperceptively nearer to my hand.
The combination of iodine, bug powder and pus is so bad that when I got my first whiff, it knocked me for six. There were so much yellow pus that sort of looked like salad dressing coz it was mixed with iodine, pus and the powdery stuff. The frothing pool of pus was merely camouflaging the horror beneath it's surface - the black pin-prick size heads of the maggots with bloated bodies slotted neatly side by side when they all tried to crawl out and escape the killing iodine but was stuck as they were too fat to get out. I drained his ear as much as I could and I went in with the tweezers. The horrible creatures were so deep inside that when I pulled them out, there were these resistant suction feelings. Sometimes I pulled out maggots, sometimes I pulled out bleached pieces of dead flesh, and I even pulled out pieces of his cartilage... yet there were no reaction from Patches. He truly feels nothing in his maggot-ridden ears.
This is not my first encounter with maggots. Far from it as I first did this regime of cleaning and tweezing when I was 14 with Tiny. Tiny never recovered fully as he was too old to heal fast enough. I fear the same fate awaits Patches but this time I might not be here to help him. I am contemplating taking a week off work. And it is a critical time now at work. Chances of me getting off is not possible. I think I should just quit. I know I'm not thinking straight right now.
How can I?? I love Patches. He's my baby. He is my best mate. I can't lose him. But I knew that this day would come. I have to admit that I knew that there might be suffering too as he has been having problems with his ears for years now. His age is a factor working against him - 14 human years, 98 dog years. He's old.
I wish I can call someone right now, I just need shoulders to cry on, yet I don't want to let others hear my tears. I feel as though my heart is breaking in two when I think about it... Maybe if I delete this blog, it won't come true.
It's late but I can't sleep. My mind is too full of wonderful memories of love and warmth, with Patches, the horrible sadness of a future without him.
Wednesday, June 22, 2005
Bound
Yes I know I'm supposed to update my blog but I can't really type properly - I sprained my middle finger at Kickboxing. Now my RIGHT hand is wrapped so snugly to prevent movement that it's almost impossible to do anything properly. There are so many Backspace and Delete action that I could be writing another entry altogether. Sheesh.
Anyway it's frustrating to be so inefficient, hence my not updating my blog lately. Yes, I'm using my right pinkie finger and my left hand to type. My pointy, middle and ring finger is bound which leaves my pinkie and thumb to make sure I still have some opposable action. =P
Later.
Anyway it's frustrating to be so inefficient, hence my not updating my blog lately. Yes, I'm using my right pinkie finger and my left hand to type. My pointy, middle and ring finger is bound which leaves my pinkie and thumb to make sure I still have some opposable action. =P
Later.
Tuesday, June 07, 2005
Meeting Najib Ali
Everything that could go wrong today, went wrong. So it was a very busy day and I could have done without a certain somebody's attitude. I was so busy that I didn't have time to read my stack of papers. Sigh. Am so gonna suffer later on when I have more papers to go through.
On the bright side, I met Najib Ali today when I arranged for press interviews to promote our new programme Kopi O Teh Tarik. He was not diva-like as I was warned. He's actually quite nice. He's quite charismatic in a quiet way but he can pumped up his persona with a flick of his internal energy switch. I got him to do a promo for KOTT that we will be airing next week. After all the interviews today with The Star and Utusan was about the show. After the interview, he said he wanted to talk to me. I was like "Ok... sure, hold on let me see the reporters to the door first." We talked a bit and he pumped me for information about VNM. He's looking for a company to pitch some of his ideas too and he needed to know more on VNM. While talking, I pitch the idea of him doing a short promo for us for the KOTT to him and he said, "Sure! We can do it now." I was delighted. So I called Natasha straight away and frankly I think he was surprised as he didn't expect me to be able to do it right that moment. *grin* But Natasha and I already had this idea to ask him, so we were prepared. At first we didn't think he would do it without being paid and I held off asking his manager earlier, but he's really is not that bad a person. Of course, I knew that he wanted something from me and I asked him first before he asked me. ~_^
I hope that we will get to work with Najib Ali in the future. I would really love to see how he works. Imagine all that energy and creativity going into something he believes in. Makes more a better TV future methinks.
Btw, I'm changing my blog design back to the old one. This new one is so generic and boring. I do not like it anymore. Yuck. You were right, Wei Yong. =P
On the bright side, I met Najib Ali today when I arranged for press interviews to promote our new programme Kopi O Teh Tarik. He was not diva-like as I was warned. He's actually quite nice. He's quite charismatic in a quiet way but he can pumped up his persona with a flick of his internal energy switch. I got him to do a promo for KOTT that we will be airing next week. After all the interviews today with The Star and Utusan was about the show. After the interview, he said he wanted to talk to me. I was like "Ok... sure, hold on let me see the reporters to the door first." We talked a bit and he pumped me for information about VNM. He's looking for a company to pitch some of his ideas too and he needed to know more on VNM. While talking, I pitch the idea of him doing a short promo for us for the KOTT to him and he said, "Sure! We can do it now." I was delighted. So I called Natasha straight away and frankly I think he was surprised as he didn't expect me to be able to do it right that moment. *grin* But Natasha and I already had this idea to ask him, so we were prepared. At first we didn't think he would do it without being paid and I held off asking his manager earlier, but he's really is not that bad a person. Of course, I knew that he wanted something from me and I asked him first before he asked me. ~_^
I hope that we will get to work with Najib Ali in the future. I would really love to see how he works. Imagine all that energy and creativity going into something he believes in. Makes more a better TV future methinks.
Btw, I'm changing my blog design back to the old one. This new one is so generic and boring. I do not like it anymore. Yuck. You were right, Wei Yong. =P
Sunday, June 05, 2005
Testing out a new look
Hmm... as you can probably guess, I'm bored with the look and feel of my old blog. I did some research but I still prefer blogger.com. Maybe it's just that I'm used to it or maybe I've no wish to transfer my blog elsewhere where I can't see my archived postings.
I like this colour. I think I'll start with this basic one first and change it as I go along.
Actually... part of the reason I'm looking to change my blog is because one of my superiors found out about my blog. Lord, that's all I need now, to have one of my bosses read what I really feel about my work and them.
Looks like it is time to move or at least change my blog's addie or nickname...
I like this colour. I think I'll start with this basic one first and change it as I go along.
Actually... part of the reason I'm looking to change my blog is because one of my superiors found out about my blog. Lord, that's all I need now, to have one of my bosses read what I really feel about my work and them.
Looks like it is time to move or at least change my blog's addie or nickname...